Can you fix your book if you hate it?

I love to write.  I’ve been doing it since I learned to read.  I think the first book I wrote was a Mr. and Miss book when I was about five.  I made up a story and even did the illustrations.

When life gets me sad, glad, mad, happy, joyful, negative, irate and so on and so forth, I write.  I have the journals to prove it. 

Why is this book so dang hard?

I am about halfway through a book I originally envisioned as a trilogy.  Right now, I can’t even imagine finishing the book.  In fact, I want to delete the entire file off my computer and never think of it again. 

It’s more than just middle of the book blahs, or at least I think it is.  It feels like this is the worst book idea ever written.  Somehow, I’ve got two heroes.  No, it is not a M/F/M book, so this is kind of an issue.  I decided two chapters ago to sacrifice one hero, so I killed him a nice way consistent with his character.  He saves the day, almost.

Now, I want him back instead of the asshat I have currently stuck myself with.  I was just outlining a scene for the heroine, and I want to stab the man in the jugular.  He’s just a jerk.  He needs some redeeming qualities fast, or I am going to create some kind of resurrection machine for the other guy and call it a fantasy book.

I ended my last writing session with a blurb of what I thought I wanted to happen because I just couldn’t make myself write it.  I didn’t even want to open the file. 

If I hate writing it, doesn’t this mean everyone is going to hate reading the book?  Because I pretty much feel like I wouldn’t want to read it either.

I’m behind on my word count.  Drives me up a wall.  Not even close to where I want to be.  I HATE THIS BOOK!

How do I fix this?  What am I supposed to do with the drivel I have spent 50,000 words putting on the page?  All this time sunk into a black hole of literature.  *slumps over her computer*

Maybe I will make the hero into someone else?  Maybe I can give him a personality transfer from someone else?  Maybe I should go back and kill him off instead? 

I know I should have my butt in my chair and hands on my keyboard, but I don’t want to.  I realize this sounds like a two-year-old having a meltdown in the middle of the kitchen over chicken nuggets versus green beans, but I just don’t feel it.

I’d eat a vat of chocolate, but it’s almost dinner time, and there are chicken enchiladas on the menu.  I just can’t spoil those.  Too delicious.

Sigh.  I am going to just have to write complete shite for an hour tonight and see if I get anywhere. 

Sometimes being a writer sucks.